Today I stumbled across the Bridget Jones movie. I remember watching it a few years ago, I thought she was so adorable and beautiful.
Today, I'm more worried about body image than ever. Through many years of constantly hating myself and my body, I was pretty sure the award of the ugliest person in the world would be mine. It took me a lot of courage, patience and determination to finally see myself for who I am. To start appreciating my body and discovering its beauty.
On some days, I can truthfully say that I think I am absolutely gorgeous and beautiful. I don't say I am more beautiful than other people. I don't compare. Unfortunately, this doesn't work on every day yet, but I'm getting there.
Today has been a rather bad day, body image wise. Just like the days before. But I know it will get better again and just because I don't love my body as much right now doesn't mean I haven't made all these accomplishments.
Have you ever recognised how very rare it is for a woman, or let's just say any person, to say about themselves 'I think I am wonderful, I am beautiful and perfect in my own way.' ... when you think about it, everyone should be able to say that about themselves. But being in a competitive society, I experienced that such statements cause trouble. You are suddenly egocentric, a show-off, narcisstic, a snob, crazy or any other negative attribution.
I personally believe that this is the key to happiness and one of our highest goals. To be in contact with yourself, appreciate and love yourself unconditionally, to forgive and treat yourself etc. It brings you peace. It's a foundation to so many other things. But not many people truly love themselves and therefor talk down on those who do. Out of jealousy maybe.
Now let me get out a few words and body image and society, the media and such. I know we've heard it a thousand times. These are my particular thoughts about it tonight. I look at Bridget Jones, a 'fattened up Renee Zellweger', and I can see her insecurities, how uncomfortable and unattractive she feels. From my perspective, she is beautiful and her weight is just fine. A big part pf the story is about her struggle though, how everyone sees her as fat and how she fights it. Fights herself. It drives me crazy. I understand that many women are constantly worried about this, go on and off diets and such. Maybe we should take the emphasis off that?
Let me take Adele for example. So, I know most of you girls love her. I got to know her on the radio with 'chasing pavements', I think back in 2007 or 2008. Liked the song, no question. Now she is back and everyone is all over her weight. She probably didn't initiate it but it pisses me off. People are like 'oh wow fatty is on stage and look, she can actually SING who would have thought'. There are more discussions whether or not it's legit to be famous as a young woman with 'that weight'. I don't care whether people think it's brave or inappropriate (whatever their arguments are), I simply strongly dislike that there is a discussion about it in the first place. Same with very skinny celebs, but let's be honest, to be seen as a skinny celeb, you have to be skeletal. Since everyone else is already stick thin.
I look at women and think they are just beautiful. Women with proportions. What- and where- ever they may be. I think Sookie from the Gilmore Girls is beautiful. I think Rose from Two and a half men is beautiful. And I think Elliot Reid from Scrubs is beautiful. I don't discriminate. But I am afraid my eyes and opinion is a lot different from societys. And it frightens me.
Just like I always used to see myself way bigger than I really was, I am now afraid I could see myself as thinner than I am right now. Yes, it's always subjective, but I don't want to be too far off reality. I haven't weighed myself in 2 years but still I know what size my clothes are. Which is another point: my new clothes are sometimes 2 sizes different from my old ones and they both fit perfectly. Body stays the same, sizes go up. Fuck that.
It breaks my heart to see so many beautiful women struggle with that. Oh god. Beauty does not come from a curvy or thin body. It does come from inside. From being a woman, a soft and strong woman who gently loves herself for all that she is. Trying to not make it sound too cliché. I am not the one to judge whether someone has to lose or gain weight. Hear me out, gossip people! It's everyones own choice (or not) to have that body. It's their priviledge. Just like you have your own and can decide what to do with it.
I don't control my weight. I haven't most of my life. Which is a strange thought, considering I've been struggling with EDs for 14 years now. But ever since I let Ed into my life, he was the one controlling it through my behavior. Simple as that. All I can do is unconditionally love myself at any given moment and forgive. Smile. It's going to get better. One (out or many) very important lessons I learned from my beautiful mother is that you always do your best. Any second, in any situation you are doing your best. Sometimes that is just to stay alive and breathe. But it's your own best, there is NOTHING more you could do. So don't be hard on yourself and just go with it.
wonderful words Alena. really really nice to read all of that. Sad face that today was a bad body image day but this blog just shows how strong you are and that is so inspiring.
ReplyDeletexxx
This is going to be a rant, so sorry :(
ReplyDeleteOne of the problems in this society is that no weight is right for a woman.
There doesn't seem to be an average: you're either "fat", or you're "a skinny stick".
Thing is, when you are naturally skinny, you're instantly perceived as sick: being skinny almost always makes people assume you have an eating disorder.
People look at you with different standarts: You're not a woman for the lack of curves, and "oh, look at all those bones sticking out, it's not normal". And mind you, it's not only men saying so, it's woman who say so just as well, making it all the worse.
I know, most people think "being skinny" is perceived as the ultimate key to beauty, but having been "a skinny stick" all my life I can easily tell it's not. Well, unless you're being skinny and have boobs, maybe.
Don't even get me started about the amount of bullying going on in the internet (and real life, for that matter) concerning being skinny. -- It seems it's perfectly fine to post a picture of a skinny girl in skinny jeans and boots too big around her ankles and say "gosh, look at this, how is any of this beautiful", while you're being yelled at for commenting on a "big girl" with curves, because the big girls are allegedly bullied "all the time" and it's rude to comment on their weight. - Because calling someone "a stick" isn't bullying. Or because saying "women who wear an a-cup and European size 34 aren't women, they're children and there's obviously something wrong with their body" is a completely polite observation and not degrading at all. Sadly, I'm not even making this up. A former friend said that exact thing. Not about me, but generalised.
[meh, more in the second comment, it won't let me post it as one :-/]
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ReplyDeleteConcerning celebrities....
While the one half looks at Adele wondering whether she should be in any way representative "at that weight", the other half goes on shouting about "finally someone who isn't Barbie" - how is that any better? Can't people just listen to her music and appreciate that she's obviously doing really well? No, instead it has to be a freaking weight contest, because that's what it's all about, right? It's not the music, it's the looks.
Now, whenever Miss Angelina Jolie looses a gramme our paparazzi society (i.e.: the respective media and those that consume it) goes commenting on how she's going to be anorexic if she goes on like that. Only when half a year later she gains weight, she's suddenly "bigger than usual". I bet that as soon as Adele "dares" to lose any weight, media is going to go so crazy, because: how could she? A famous woman's body is obviously property of the media. -.-
- How is any girl, famous or not, going to decide what's the right weight if there's this constant nagging going on and simply everything is wrong?
I think the main problem is that girls/women are being oversexualised. In order to be beautiful, you have to be skinny AND curvy at the same time. The way companies are advertising not their product, but how to look as a woman, is sickening, really. I'm not even going to comment on formats such as Germany's Next Topmodel or stuff like that.
Hm. I don't even know what I'm trying to say here. Maybe that I'm just so sick of the whole discussion about what's right and wrong. I just really wonder how we are supposed to know. How anyone is supposed to know, when everything is being portrayed as wrong. When you're doing something wrong either way.
I think, the only "right" is when you're healthy, at whatever weight.
So I have an BMI below average. - All this realistically means is that I easily feel dizzy in summer, I have to strictly eat 3 meals per day and have to drink a lot unless I want to have a headache all day and get dizzy every time I get up. Not highly dramatic, is it? It's not even health threatening, yet people are repeatedly trying to tell me that I have to gain weight. Well, I just don't., no matter what I do. My metabolism is strangely f*ck*d up, making it almost impossible for me to gain any (visible) weight. -- I'm still healthy. Every doctor tells me so: "That's fine. Some bodies work that way."
So, if I'm fine, I should feel fine, right? It should be easy for me to feel good about myself, to be deaf to the comments, to the glances. - Well, I don't think I am...
Hello there, I have read through your posts and am LOVING the blog.
ReplyDelete'I personally believe that this is the key to happiness and one of our highest goals. To be in contact with yourself, appreciate and love yourself unconditionally, to forgive and treat yourself etc. It brings you peace.' -This so so so so so true!
I a struggling with acceptance atm, but reading such inspirational posts such as yours is helping. x
Anna and Andy - thank you so much girls! Means a lot that you read this.... and that you find it inspiring! It's the nicest compliment ever :)
ReplyDeleteand Alina, my love... I know where this is coming from. and I hope you don't feel offended by my post because I really agree with you. of course my perspective is kind of different, looking at my story and yours, but I meant to say the same.
- screw people who judge our bodies.
- screw the media for glorifying only a very specific body type which only 1-2% of all women have (like you said, pretty skinny but still curvy and what not, almost impossible to have)
- I like some of Adeles songs but its hard for me to even listen to her since all I can think of is the weight discussion. should be of NO matter.
- I personally think that this whole thing is designed to make women feel uncomfortable, no matter what they look like. do you know anyone who is truly 100% satisfied with her body? listening to the media and judgemental people, there is always gonna be something you 'need' to change.
- I am so very sorry that you were bullied, talked down on because of your body. no one deserves that, for whatever reason. I hope you don't think I would hate on skinny people! that is so not the case. I just want to take all the importance away from it.
you are you. there is no one youer than you, remember. you do what's best for your mind, body and soul. you become who you are because the world needs YOU and not some copy. this is where beauty lies.
weight is also not a very important factor when it comes to health. I bet everyone who's ever dealt with an ED can agree but unfortunately, many treatment facilities and 'experts' only believe and help you when you're rail thin. no joke. I know that my physical health is pretty bad and has been for many years, yet I am at a 'normal weight' (oh screw the BMI chart btw). how ironic is that. what do I have to do in order for you doctors to believe me?
my beautiful friend, I wish you all the strength to ignore any further comments and turn to your friends whenever you need someone to remind you of this. whatever you are, show it, be it and we love you for that.